I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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