Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
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