i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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