i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
