Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
My breath smells like gin and sadness
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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