It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
