There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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