Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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