ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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