Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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