My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
