I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
