that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
