I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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