Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.