We're like a lot better than the average bears
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility