I love you!
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No subtext here. People are naked.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?