Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
