Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
