her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
i've created a new STD.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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