The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
