After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
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Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
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Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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