I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
