Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
