We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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