It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
