We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
