Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
