I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
