my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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