my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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