We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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