Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
