thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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