Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
