theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Let's paint friendship bongs
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
