I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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