its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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