i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's official drugs can't kill me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
