Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
