Please, let me fuck your mom
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
