not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
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We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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