this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
