how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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