Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize