It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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