just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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