What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
