Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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