Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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