im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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