I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
