Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
