no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
