he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
