have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
