Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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