dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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