Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
