i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
