I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
