You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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