You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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