It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
You left your phone here
Wait...
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