thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And then my night got REAL pukey
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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