And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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