Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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