It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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