Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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