R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
