i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
