saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
