Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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