It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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