Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
